In a few weeks, my age transitions into a new decade. Normally, this isn’t a big issue for me. In the previous years, I haven’t felt an impact in getting older. This year, though, I can feel it. I’m not sure if it’s the changes caused by the pandemic, the life choices I’ve made this past year (I mean owning a small business is no joke!), or just a physical change in my bodily chemistry that is causing it, but I feel the full heaviness of turning… forty.
My mood swings are greater. The bad emotions of anger, disappointment, and frustration seem to flare up more frequently… deeply… uncontrollably. My level of contentment is waning. My selfishness increases. In some ways, as I get older, I feel more entitled.
But why? Age is just a number, a physical indicator of how old a body is, but is no reflection of maturity, spiritual growth, and wisdom. As I get older, I don’t deserve anything more just because I advanced in age.
Yet, here I stand, weary and impatient, wondering why life has crashed upon me like it has right now. Will it get any better? Or will I continue to drown in the endless waves of responsibility as the school year begins, soccer season picks up, and work continues whether my heart desires for it or not.
Even as I write this now, I feel ashamed to be recklessly complaining about my life. I am blessed beyond measure; I know it; however, it still doesn’t stop me from being discontent. Oh, the ugly truth!
This is when I become aware of how broken I am. I am not perfect, nor ever will be. There has only been one who is perfect, and I am thankful to call him my Lord and my Savior. Today, like many other days, I need Him to forgive me for my selfish and stubborn heart.
I welcome growing older. I pray that my age is not the only thing that grows. May I grow in the fruit of the Spirit, wisdom, in the Truth, and in love.
Below is the newest marketing from Jazzercise, and it was my inspiration for today’s post. Finding the joy isn’t always easy but is essential in the Christian walk (1 Thess. 5:16-18). May we find joy today and in every day… in this journey of life.