Alright folks. I haven’t posted since this entire pandemic thing has happened, and there’s many reasons why. First of all, life was hard. “Normal” life came to a crashing halt, and I had to adjust. Kids were homeschooling. Business was closed. All future plans stayed in limbo as everything was so uncertain.

But I’m not going to complain about that. Throughout this entire time, I’ve written multiple blogs that I just couldn’t bring myself to finish. Either the content couldn’t flesh itself out, or I was forcing the writing instead of coming from an inspired moment. You would think of all the racial tensions rising in our society on top of the pandemic status, I would have plenty of ideas.

You’re right. I do. However, these situations are so grand and complex that my opinion seems irrelevant.

So let’s move on. I want to talk about business. I’m rolling up my sleeves, getting my hands dirty, and just diving right in. Are you with me?

You see, when I purchased my little small business in January, I did it because I loved it. This business was a child that needed saving. It needed parents who would love it, teach it, grow it, and allow it to flourish. Money was never the end goal. Did I want the money? Of course! Business cannot succeed without making money, but that was never the main focus.

So my business partner and I made decisions that would allow our SMB to do just that: grow. Our clients were happy; our staff was happy; we were happy. The community was taking notice, and we were consistently increasing in numbers.

Then COVID happened. Everything immediately shut down. Yet that did not deter us. We worked even harder to adjust–working against technology, schedules, and comfort to provide a product that wasn’t perfect but was genuine. Our grit and determination was smeared on everything we did and delivered with a smile.

Yet no matter what we did, the cancellations would come. You see, we couldn’t please everyone. We couldn’t accommodate everyone. There are many, many valid reasons to go: health reasons, schedule reasons, budget reasons… so many ways that we just didn’t fit any more.

But the reasons don’t make it easier.

Sadness. That’s what I feel. Defeat. Discouragement. I originally took this adventure on because of the love and joy I had for the system and the people, but it’s not enough! It’s not enough to make them stay. It’s not enough to endure the race until this hurdle passes. I try to remember it’s not personal, but boy, it sure feels like it.

How do you find the strength to continue? Where do you find your encouragement? How do you muster up the stamina?

These are hard questions to ask. They are even harder to answer. As yet another cancellation comes in today, I have to remind myself why I began this journey. I did it for something bigger than me. I did it for community. I did it as a ministry. I did it for you. I just gotta remind myself of that…. every day, every moment, every breath.

So here I stand. I’m tired. I’m hurt. I’m sad. I keep going.