On the very last game of my son’s soccer season, some players didn’t show up for the game, so my son played goalie for the second half. He hadn’t played goalie all season, but he rose up to the challenge. He played really well, made some great stops, but also had 2 goals scored on him as well. Overall, he had a really great game and his team won.
After the game, his dad and I asked him if he wanted to continue playing goalie since he did so well. His immediate response was no. When asked why, his response was, “Because everyone can see my mistakes, and those mistakes can cost us the game.”
This resonates with me so much. The past couple of weeks, I’m at the stage of my Jazzercise instructor training where I practice in front of the client. At first, I was extremely nervous. My heart would start racing, and I’d feel like I would throw up (which I haven’t… yet… thank goodness!). I would concentrate so hard on the movements or getting the sequence correctly that I couldn’t smile.
With an enormous amount of practice and support from the Jazzercise community, performing in front of others on the stage has become easier. I’m smiling more. I’m not as nervous.
But like my son, it’s humbling to throw yourself out there and be willing to make mistakes in front of others. Cause it’s going to happen. Maybe even often.
It’s how we react to those mistakes that defines us, right? Throughout this journey, all of my movements have been dissected, corrected, evaluated CONSTANTLY. If it’s not by my trainer, then by my peers, or by my friends. They are all watching. I’ve lost that ability to just go to a class and goof off, enjoy the exercise, and move on.
Most of the time, I accept that. I chose this path to take, and I’m in it to win it. In two weeks, I will perform my final audition, and Lord willing, I’ll be an official certified instructor. Then all eyes will be on me, waiting for me to lead them through a class. Mistakes will happen, and the entire class will see it.
Then there are days like today, where everything feels overwhelming, exhausting, almost causing anger to bubble inside me. That’s when I have to take a step back and remember there is a joy somewhere in this process. There is a joy of pushing yourself to be better and finding that you’re capable of rising to that challenge. There is a joy in surprising those around you with a gift that you may not have realized you had or was able to give.
I can’t let the bad days ruin the good days. Don’t let the doubt, the fear, the criticism prevent you from finding the joy in your circumstances. In those moments, I just remind myself one of my favorite passages in the Bible:
” Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. ” -1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18
Another thing I do when I’m in a funk is baking. There is a calming effect in making something edible and delectable. Today, I made lemon macarons with a homemade lemon curd for the filling. As I went through the recipe to makes these, I could feel my mood lighten as I focused my energy on creating these little jewels of a bite. I leave a picture here for you to drool over. 🙂